Leaning In We All Want the Same Things
Words by Blake Hansen | Photos by Jacopo Degl’innocenti
Our entire world is in flux right now, and the future is anything but certain. It feels big and overwhelming, but there is one thing we can count on if we’re willing to put forth the effort, and that is each other.
The bike industry will continue to ebb and flow. Poor decisions will continue to be made that cost others their jobs, budgets, and sponsorships. And it will continue to happen in ways that will leave us with so many more questions than answers. More broadly, politicians and a constantly shifting media landscape will continue to try to divide us for personal gain. Here in the U.S., some freedoms and human rights granted under our Constitution are being systematically ripped from our hands. As I speak, the rich get richer at our expense, and the semblance of normal we once had is fading away like a lucid dream. Often, it seems that these manufactured divisions are purpose-built to break us down into conformity.
But after we’re shaken awake into whatever new reality arises, we will find that there is something that cannot be taken away from us. This secret sauce is what we should lean into with all our being.
Of course, I’m speaking about our connection to each other as people. We are innately communal animals. We cannot survive alone. As a species our minds thrive off engagement and connection, and we’re specially evolved to comprehend perspectives beyond our own individual realities. To think we’ve adapted over thousands of years to become the brilliantly empathetic and globally connected species we are now, only to fail ourselves by forgetting past mistakes and losing touch of our full humanity, is unthinkable. It’s our diversity, our empathy, and our ever-expanding minds that have enabled us to flourish. However unfortunate it is, not everyone sees this miracle of human capability. We have to fight back. Our future depends on it. Here’s how we do it.
I have a friend named Colton who exemplifies how we should all strive to treat each other. We met while snowboarding in Utah through mutual friends. He’s someone I’ve known for a long time, going on 12 years now. I introduced him to his wife. Our friendship has withstood the test of time. Even through my gender transition, he has never wavered. I have several friends who stuck with me through my transition and beyond—I love them all dearly—but I bring Colton up specifically because his background did not set him up to stay in my court.
We grew up Mormon, and he grew up in a very conservative family in a very conservative Utah town. You wouldn’t go to Draper, Utah and use the word diverse in a sentence out loud, let’s just say that. In fact, nearly the entire group of mutual friends I had with Colton seemed to disappear from my life after my transition. In a way, I do understand why. My existence as the updated, more authentic me seemed to stretch beyond their comprehension and they didn’t know what to do when it pressed up against their lack of empathy. But Colton? He persisted.
He leaned in and pushed both of us to expand. In an effort to understand, he asked me things about myself that others never dared to ask. Simple things like “How long have you felt this way?” And, “What does it feel like to make the changes that feel more in line with your identity?”
In doing so he taught me how to be courageous and he continues to do that all the time. He’s the friend who showed me what leaning in looks like. Colton isn’t scared to learn more. Perhaps even more important, though, is that when I tell him something about myself that challenges his previously held beliefs, he believes me. He respects my truth. This dignity and respect for each other no matter what is the core of it all.
We all want the same things in life—predictable lips, logical trail speed, crispy berms, perfect dirt.
We’ve both learned a lot from our friendship over the years and I would say that it has mutually expanded our individual humanity. It’s a model of what coming together in our differences can look like. To learn how to coexist, to live and let live. And, in some cases, to go beyond that even and learn how to better support other ways of life and to see that as a thing of value. In Utah, I knew I could call Colton up for a good chat and that we’d always find a way to see the humanity in each other and to laugh about the unhinged things the other might think or say. I’ve found that friends like this are fleeting as you get older and busier. This makes them that much more important to keep around. They round out our life view and keep our perspective wide.
Choosing to come together in our differences, fostering love and growth with the people and in the communities around us, no matter who they are or what their background is, is how we fight back to regain our full humanity. We have the chance to prevail over insidious forces that seek to divide us. It’s not with violence that we will discover greater planes of existence, but with our intelligence and our humanity.
Out in your local woods, perhaps right now as you’re reading this, there is someone with a completely different belief system digging on your favorite trail. Embrace this person, leave room for their differences, and find that your comprehension has no limits. We’re not as divided as some in power want us to think we are. We all want the same things in life—predictable lips, logical trail speed, crispy berms, perfect dirt. As mountain bikers, we’re already used to leaning in.
